"Tiny, terrified space of being right"

Ahh the smell of sugar beets in the mornings; I can't say that I'm fond of that smell. There's a sugar beet mill down the road and for the last several days the air has been filled with a putrid aroma.

I'm down in Idaho at the moment and just finished up the first week of Cultural Orientation. The seminars have been really informative with practical tools to help in different scenarios. The first part of the week was quite heavy as we talked about stress, grief and other potential losses to anticipate as we head overseas. Yesterday we talked about embracing our new culture and what that may look like. We also discussed our own culture as Canadians & Americans and the learned patterns we have been taught.

One of the areas we focused on is the need to be right. I am not saying that this is a beneficial thought process, but one that does exist in me to which I am re-thinking. If I continue in this pattern, merging into another culture is going to be torturous, because I will ultimately do and say things wrong. I'm not sure about you but I've never really liked making mistakes. I learn from them but avoid them as much as possible. Some even suggest you don't really learn UNTIL you've made mistakes. (Shudder). Kathryn Schulz called it a "tiny, terrified space of being right". I wonder why I'm so afraid of being wrong. The more I think about it, the more I realize I must have attached meanings to it that don't necessarily belong. The funny thing is, there is no freedom in operating this way.

I wonder if the need to be right smells like the air today.

Jesus is fully aware of my fallibility and loves me fully. His thoughts towards me don't change. He doesn't value me more when I'm right or value me less when I'm wrong. His love is steadfast towards me. His love for us was never based on our performance, for He loved us first, when our performance was poor.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

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Ministry Partnership Update~

The Lord is Faithful! Every week I'm seeing a few more partners join the Team to which I am so thankful and encouraged. It is great to be a part of this faith journey with you - faith for me, to see how the Lord will provide partners, and faith for you to see how He will provide for your part as well.

Please continue to pray as I prepare spiritually and emotionally to live overseas.

Pray for safety as I travel again in another week.

Praise the Lord that I was able to meet my 2 co-workers last week and start to get to know one of the couples who is staying nearby.

Thank the Lord for unity among our team.

Thank Him for the Team He is bringing together in support for me.

Thanks friends:)

April:)

In like a lion, out like a....Lion

Many of us here in central Alberta are getting tired of the white stuff.  March started off with a blizzard giving us at least a foot of snow and ended with one too.  While other parts of Canada were experiencing unusual warm temperatures, we have been donning our heavy winter wear and dreaming of warmer places.

I spent all of March in the Three Hills area catching up with friends and together sharing stories of the future.

You know what though?  It's easy for me to share just the above sentence, but if I do that, I'm not telling the whole story.  March was probably the most difficult month this year.

I have been doing a study on Ephesians 6 and in verse 11 it says "Put on the whole armour of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."  What are his schemes you might ask?  Well he is described as an animal stalking his prey - waiting for a vulnerable moment and pouncing.  His goal is to consume.  He is called the father of lies, the slanderer, the accuser, the tempter and the prince of darkness.  I Peter 5:8 reads, "Be alert and of sober mind. your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

I hate fear.  It causes me to pick up the pace and scramble.  I can't think straight.  I start to believe lies.  There is no longer a filter in my brain.  When I scramble, I grab for the controls, and become ugly.  I no longer trust people.  I do my best to make everything happen in my timing.  My heart becomes sticky and gooey and slimy.  Ughhhhh.  Disgusting.  I hate what fear does to me! It brings death, not life!! Can you relate?

I knew that taking on this position would bring spiritual opposition at some point or another, but I didn't expect it to be a constant press nor in the areas it popped up.  I have experienced doubt, fear, anxiety, disappointment, and anger (for no reason) and I haven't even left Canada yet.  All of these emotions and concerns caused my mind to race and be a place of confusion.  It caused me to ask too many times, in my opinion, should I just stay and help here, or wait for another time?  I focused a lot on what I would be losing by going overseas, and could not imagine what I would be gaining.  As I write it out to you now and highlight the words, it can be plainly seen that these are not God-led words or how He operates.  The Bible says:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7


"And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.  For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.  But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.  Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."  Luke 12:29-32


"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  John 16: 33


"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

The great thing is that we already know the end of the story - the evil one has already lost.  That's why we celebrated Easter this past weekend!  When Jesus went to the cross as a perfect sacrifice with no sin in His body, He took all of our sins on His shoulders and willingly took the punishment for me and you.  He was beaten and stabbed and hung on a tree until He died.  The devil rejoiced because He was dead and he thought he won.  But 3 days later, Jesus raised from the dead and came back to life! Death does not reign over Him, He conquered it!  And THAT is why Easter Sunday is SOOOO awesome!!!!!!  Jesus brought us LIFE!!!!  No more death!  No more condemnation!  No more accusations!!!  Jesus paid the price for all of us!  So when the devil accuses us before God - as he does - Jesus steps in and says -I already paid for that on the tree (cross).


Romans 8:1 "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins."  


1 John 4:9,10 "In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins."


So friends, the month started off with a lion seeking to devour and ended with an intense battle resulting in VICTORY & LIFE!


Please pray for me and each other as we continue in the battle, knowing that the end result is victory.  Let us put on the armour of God each day (Eph. 6:10-20) and fight well and victoriously!  For the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, is in us! (Rom. 8:11)