Preparation, I'm finding, is more than crossing off a to-do list. It is more than changing addresses and cancelling your cell phone contract; more than shopping for items and clothing you will need; more than keeping your aviation licenses current and building a support team. It has proved to be more than what I expected. I wish I could write a list composed of items like faith, courage, making wise choices, discipline, love, single-mindedness, contentment, etc. And then after some time, cross each one off the list in completion. Oh wouldn't that be wonderful?!
I think it's fair to say that I am generally a happy, optimistic person. In the last few months though, I have found myself all over the place. In August & September, I was feeling the changes in friendships as others pull away - preparing for my departure perhaps, and me trying to hold on with all that I had - not ready to say goodbye. It felt like bandaids were being pulled off left ,right and center. I found that others were more ready for me to leave than I was. It was hard.
In October, after moving to Ontario, I felt God had given me a space to breathe and regroup. There is something about my parent's house that always makes me feel relaxed and sleepy. Don't worry, the batteries in the carbon monoxide detectors have been checked:) I took time to rest and see my good friends & spend time with family. Contrary to popular belief, it really was a time of refreshment. With all the traveling and speaking at churches this fall, it was wonderful to just be home.
Just the other day I realized there has been a shift in my heart's posture- if that makes sense. Instead of leaning back, trying to slow things down so my heart & mind can catch up, I have found myself straining forward. I have become more and more ready to meet my new country & city. More ready to get settled in and start this new chapter of my life.
I am realizing though in all of this preparation that I will not be as fully prepared as I would like to be before heading overseas. God really does choose to use people who don't have it all together and I'm realizing that that will be me. That IS me. I want to do my very best and wish I could have my lists crossed off in completion, but these kinds of lists go on and on until I meet Him face to face.
So with that knowledge, I am looking forward to moving on to the next steps and joining my team overseas.
